Coaching is all about thriving. Thriving at everything. Thriving is not simply going from suffering to surviving, but experiencing something that is amazing. I believe that sexual thriving is the heart of thriving, it is the foundation of feeling really good. It’s what lets adults experience deep connection, love, belonging and it is the foundation for thriving self esteem, thriving confidence and self actualization.
When you are sexually thriving, you feel more radiant, more empowered, more magnetic and that contributes to feeling confident and worthy of attracting the love of your life and the prosperity you desire.
Choosing to thrive fuels your empowerment and deciding to sexually thrive is a decision to love yourself first, to love yourself more than you love anyone else.
Most people don’t love their sexual self, they have been taught that certain desires are not okay, that it’s shameful or not accepted, and it’s a shadow that prevents us from really getting to self-love. NOT thriving sexually creates this lower level neediness cycle where love and sex are really about getting your needs met from childhood, in other words, your inner six year old is making your dating decisions, is having your orgasms and has the checkbook!
When we step up into a place of empowerment and begin giving and receiving love from a place of personal power, deep healing happens. This can really only happens when someone chooses to sexually thrive. And while we can thrive in many different areas, the area of sexuality is representative of the most basic adult function. So not only are we talking about sex itself, but about the connection between power, money, sex and energy.
We look at the hierarchy of needs, and we learn at some point that we can’t have the desires we really want and still have safety, still have love, still belong, have esteem or even awaken. So we shut theses desires down, and never really allow ourselves to express our desires and actually thrive!
I hear from women all the time things like:
I can’t sexually thrive and be a powerful women
I can’t be an amazing mom and thrive sexually
I can’t be a great entrepreneur and still be sexually vibrant
I can’t sexually thrive and be safe
I can’t sexually thrive and belong
The message is that I can’t thrive and still get my needs met. So where is the belief that I can’t thrive and still get my core need met? And how can we recognize on a primal, limbic level that we CAN have both, thereby rewiring the belief pattern in the brain?
We are stepping into a new world, and the rules we have been operating under have been around for 500 years. And 500 years ago, no, women couldn’t sexually thrive and be respected, women couldn’t be empowered and respected, so part of thriving is updating our belief systems, and that actually gives everyone else around us permission to do the same thing!
We are liberating ourselves from the outmoded thinking we were raised with.
The four seasons of life helps us see that thriving is about the cycle, there are seasons to everything: business, relationships, even sex.
Fall is the time to shed and release, grieving, celebrating what was, letting go of what doesn’t serve.
Winter, in a state of nothingness, but deep regeneration is happening, we honor the time that it looks like nothing is happening, honoring rest, honoring self-care and honoring the mystery, the stillness, the darkness, the void, because out of this magic is birthed, this is the yin energy.
Spring, everything is bubbling, everything is shooting up, possibilities abound, the build up, the new youthful attitude, aliveness.
Summer, when the thing that you wanted finally happens, making it, the full blossom, the harvest, the peak.
As a culture we tend to be focused on summer, always looking for the peak experience, the orgasm, the height of the party, the most fun, the most youthful and vibrant.
When we fixate on summer it drains up energetically, because in order to get the fullness of summer we must shed that which becomes mulch for the next year’s growth. Then in the winter, we regenerate, and from there births a profound spring, and finally a very full summer.
Women can be focused on making summer the most important, so this means that you can learn to be comfortable with the winter of sex, and just allowing what will emerge, fall can be about letting go, letting go of old beliefs, and not wanting to let go of summer. So letting fall be what it will be. Allowing yourself to celebrate, honoring what has been creating, and letting the body/mind flow into the next season.
It’s the balance of the path of pleasure and the path of purification. All of us have things inside of us that are not true to us, out of alignment with our psyche, and our body/mind/spirit loves to move towards wholeness, it is the natural state, we move towards thriving, and the way we do that is that the body will naturally push up anything that is not in alignment with our original essence, anything is unharmonious for us in our internal environment.
So when you say, I want to thrive, anything that is NOT of thriving, gets pushed out, it is the purification process, and it feels like OMG what is this?
We often desire pleasure, but in order to get to the pleasure, our body/mind will identify the piece that must be purified first. And very few people create a space of purification in their practice, we often are really focused on the pleasure. So the path of purification is the sounding, breathing practices, clearing practices, ways of letting go so we actually make room for more pleasure by making room for pleasure, and when we have the thing that wants purification coming up and we freak out, like omg, sex is supposed to be about pleasure, and just push it back down, we have this compressed energy and actual real pleasure doesn’t get released.
So being totally honest with yourself: what do YOU need to thrive? What must be purified to allow more pleasure?